THE WEEK’S MATCHUPS
JackBull’s Six-Pack of Predictions — Week 9
SIX GAMES. SIX PREDICTIONS. TWELVE OWNERS WHO SHOULD KNOW BETTER.
By J. Jonah JackBull, Editor-in-Chief
Eight weeks of fantasy football have taught me several things.
Jimmy Fantastic is insufferable. RickWreckless is dangerous. BB_Nut has apparently discovered that benching your best players is not a recognized offensive strategy. And Commissioner JackBull continues to operate this league with all the transparency of a government agency investigating itself.
Now comes Week 9.
Six games. Twelve franchises. A handful of legitimate championship contenders, several desperate pretenders, and at least three individuals who should be required to pass a written examination before being permitted near a fantasy football lineup.
I’ve examined the projected scores, starting rosters, bench decisions, and records. And unlike the league’s Commissioner, I’m prepared to put my opinions on the record before anything actually happens.
Let’s get to work.
GAME 1: THE COMMISSIONER’S COMFORT ZONE
Waterbowl Wonderboys (2–6) vs. Gentlemen, We Are Going Down (4–4)
MFL Projection: Wonderboys 95.95 — Gentlemen 104.45
Commissioner JackBull has apparently found his preferred method of maintaining a respectable record: play terrible teams.
Last week, he defeated Business Goats after they managed a breathtaking 57 points. This week, he faces the 2–6 Waterbowl Wonderboys.
At this rate, the Commissioner may petition to have his remaining schedule replaced entirely with franchises currently under investigation for incompetence.
To his credit, the Commissioner’s lineup has some genuine firepower. Dak Prescott is projected for 21.82 points, Jahmyr Gibbs for 21.98, and Kyren Williams for another 14.93.
That’s a legitimate foundation.
Unfortunately, MarShawn Lloyd is projected for just 4.86 points, and the Commissioner has Nico Collins and Mike Evans sitting on his bench. Perhaps there’s a perfectly reasonable explanation. Perhaps the Commissioner knows something we don’t.
Or perhaps this is what happens when a man spends more time administering a league than managing his own franchise.
Across the field, Leipziger’s Wonderboys are attempting to overcome a 2–6 record with Trevor Lawrence, Chase Brown, George Pickens, Chris Olave, and Travis Kelce.
There are some capable players here. Unfortunately, Mike Washington Jr. is projected for just 5.92 points, and the entire lineup is expected to finish below 100.
This is not a recipe for upsetting a reasonably competent opponent.
Fortunately for Leipziger, reasonably competent is a description I’ve never confidently applied to Commissioner JackBull.
JACKBULL’S PREDICTION: GENTLEMEN 108 — WONDERBOYS 94
The Commissioner survives another week and immediately begins discussing his playoff credentials. The rest of us will remember the quality of the opposition.
CONFIDENCE: MODERATE
GAME 2: THE KING AND THE CANADIAN DISASTER
Team Fantastic (7–1) vs. HulCanadia (5–3)
MFL Projection: Team Fantastic 116.22 — HulCanadia 93.20
Jimmy Fantastic has spent eight weeks behaving like a man who already owns the championship trophy.
The irritating part is that his roster keeps giving him reasons to behave that way.
Joe Burrow is projected for 23.45 points. Ja’Marr Chase adds 14.34. Kenneth Walker III brings 15.48. D’Andre Swift and Ollie Gordon II round out a starting backfield that offers both depth and scoring potential.
And sitting on the bench?
Patrick Mahomes.
That’s right. Jimmy Fantastic has reached the point where he can leave Patrick Mahomes out of his starting lineup and still enter the week as a 23-point favorite.
I find this personally offensive.
HulCanadia, meanwhile, is 5–3 and theoretically still a dangerous franchise.
Justin Herbert and James Cook provide a respectable foundation. George Kittle remains a legitimate weapon. But the rest of the lineup raises questions.
Rachaad White is projected for 8.96 points. Emanuel Wilson for 6.15. Courtland Sutton for 6.93.
That’s not a championship-caliber supporting cast. That’s a collection of players hoping somebody else handles the scoring.
And De’Von Achane is on injured reserve, removing a potentially explosive weapon from the equation.
HulCanadia could still compete if Herbert, Cook, and Kittle all exceed expectations. But asking three players to compensate for multiple underperforming positions is a dangerous way to make a living.
Jimmy Fantastic doesn’t need miracles.
He just needs his roster to do what it’s been doing all season.
JACKBULL’S PREDICTION: TEAM FANTASTIC 121 — HULCANADIA 91
This could get ugly early. And if Jimmy Fantastic wins by thirty, we’ll never hear the end of it.
CONFIDENCE: VERY HIGH
GAME 3: THE SQUIRREL RETURNS TO THE CRIME SCENE
Nutt World Order (3–5) vs. Vale of Lune (3–5)
MFL Projection: Nutt World Order 100.34 — Vale of Lune 97.55
Ladies and gentlemen, BB_Nut is back.
Last week, this man scored 62 points while leaving 98 points on his bench.
Ninety-eight.
That’s not a lineup mistake. That’s an archaeological discovery of stupidity.
Joe Burrow alone scored 39 points from the bench while Caleb Williams delivered 13 as the starter.
Naturally, BB_Nut returns this week with Caleb Williams still occupying the quarterback position.
Perhaps he enjoys punishment. Perhaps he believes suffering builds character. Perhaps nobody has explained the concept of a depth chart.
To be fair, Nutt World Order has a formidable running back group.
Saquon Barkley, Derrick Henry, and Jonah Coleman are projected for a combined 41.41 points. That’s enough to carry an otherwise questionable lineup.
But his wide receivers, Demario Douglas and Jaylen Waddle, are projected for just 16.20 points combined.
Somebody needs to catch the football.
On the other sideline, Hoyleyboy’s Vale of Lune has Matthew Stafford projected for 22.02 points and Bijan Robinson for 17.79.
Jameson Williams adds some explosive potential, but the roster’s receiving production is far from guaranteed.
And A.J. Brown and Deebo Samuel are sitting on the bench.
There may be availability concerns or other explanations for those decisions, but this is precisely the sort of matchup where one lineup adjustment could change everything.
MFL gives Nutt World Order a narrow advantage.
I give BB_Nut considerably less credit than MFL does.
JACKBULL’S PREDICTION: VALE OF LUNE 103 — NUTT WORLD ORDER 96
I’m taking Hoyleyboy in the upset.
BB_Nut may possess the better running back trio, but after last week’s catastrophe, I refuse to trust him with a seven-point lead, a three-point lead, or an unattended microwave.
CONFIDENCE: LOW
GAME 4: THE RECORDS ARE LYING
Tua Girls One Kupp (6–2) vs. Mercia Saxons (2–6)
MFL Projection: Tua Girls One Kupp 112.78 — Mercia Saxons 112.52
This is the matchup that should terrify anyone who believes a team’s record tells the whole story.
Mayhemzz enters at 6–2.
Arnar Holt enters at 2–6.
On paper, this should be a comfortable victory for the contender.
The actual projections?
A difference of twenty-six hundredths of a point.
That’s 0.26.
I’ve seen larger margins between two identical products at competing grocery stores.
Tua Girls One Kupp has Brock Purdy projected for 23.70 points, Jonathan Taylor for 21.23, and Javonte Williams for 14.72.
That’s a strong offensive core.
Tee Higgins and Christian Watson add another projected 26.03 points at receiver.
But Jake Ferguson is projected for just 4.76 points, and the lineup isn’t without weaknesses.
Then there’s the bench.
Lamar Jackson.
Now, Purdy has a strong projection, and there may be a perfectly sound reason for the decision. But when you’re projected to win by less than a third of a point, every quarterback decision becomes potential evidence in a future investigation.
Across the field, Mercia Saxons has assembled a receiving corps that should be considerably more successful than its record suggests.
Puka Nacua: 16.21 projected points.
Parker Washington: 14.88.
Malik Nabers: 13.07.
That’s 44.16 projected points from three receivers.
Jayden Daniels adds a 21.99-point projection at quarterback.
This is not the roster of a team that should automatically be dismissed because it has only two wins.
The Saxons have enough firepower to defeat a legitimate contender.
The question is whether Arnar Holt can finally turn that potential into an actual victory.
JACKBULL’S PREDICTION: MERCIA SAXONS 117 — TUA GIRLS ONE KUPP 110
I’m taking the Saxons.
Not because I trust Arnar Holt. I don’t.
I’m taking them because their starting receivers provide a credible path to an upset, and the matchup is too close to ignore.
If Mayhemzz loses this game, the entire league should reconsider how seriously it takes that 6–2 record.
CONFIDENCE: LOW
GAME 5: THE BYE-WEEK CRIME SCENE
17 Time Oscar Winner LOTR (3–5) vs. Business Goats (5–3)
MFL Projection: LOTR 78.71 — Business Goats 93.26
I want everyone to pay attention.
Because what I’m about to describe is the kind of managerial decision that makes me question whether fantasy football should require professional licensing.
MsRogueMerc has Jaylen Warren in her starting lineup.
Jaylen Warren is on a bye week.
A BYE WEEK.
He’s projected to score zero points because his team isn’t playing football.
This is not an injury designation. This is not an unfortunate matchup. This is an entirely predictable absence of a football game.
Meanwhile, DeVonta Smith and D.J. Moore are on the bench.
There may be legitimate concerns about their availability, but an occupied starting position with a zero-point bye-week projection is an obvious problem that demands attention before lineup lock.
Josh Allen is projected for 24.04 points. Brock Bowers adds 10.61. Bucky Irving contributes another 12.49.
There is talent on this roster.
But talent cannot overcome a manager who willingly starts a player whose team is sitting at home watching television.
And just when I thought this matchup couldn’t become more ridiculous, I examined Business Goats.
FriggenNiblet has Christian McCaffrey on his bench.
Christian. McCaffrey.
Meanwhile, Bam Knight is starting with a projection of 5.42 points.
Now, perhaps McCaffrey has an injury or availability issue that isn’t reflected in this snapshot. If so, fine.
But if he’s healthy and available, somebody needs to explain this decision before the league’s collective intelligence drops another ten points.
Business Goats still has Jared Goff, Chuba Hubbard, Ashton Jeanty, Rashee Rice, and Garrett Wilson.
That’s enough to make them favorites against an opponent currently projected below 80 points.
But this is a matchup where both managers could substantially change their fortunes by simply reviewing their own rosters.
A revolutionary concept, apparently.
JACKBULL’S PREDICTION: BUSINESS GOATS 101 — LOTR 84
Business Goats wins, provided FriggenNiblet doesn’t find a creative new way to sabotage his own roster.
But if LOTR corrects the bye-week problem and Business Goats leaves potential points on the bench, this game could look very different by kickoff.
CONFIDENCE: MODERATE — SUBJECT TO LINEUP CHANGES
GAME 6: THE CONTENDER AND THE FALSE BOTTOM-FEEDER
Elyod Wrong (6–2) vs. Raiders of the Lost Yards (2–6)
MFL Projection: Elyod Wrong 106.46 — Raiders 104.24
RickWreckless has earned his 6–2 record.
Elyod Wrong is a legitimate contender, with Drake Maye projected for 21.54 points, CeeDee Lamb for 11.89, and Jaxon Smith-Njigba for a very impressive 19.34.
That’s a dangerous passing attack.
But I’m concerned about the running backs.
Tyler Allgeier and Woody Marks are projected for a combined 21.07 points.
Not disastrous, but hardly overwhelming.
And Breece Hall is sitting on the bench.
Again, availability and individual projections matter, and I’m not declaring the decision incompetent without that information. But it deserves examination.
Across the field stands TheBeast, owner of the 2–6 Raiders of the Lost Yards.
And this is where the records become misleading.
Justin Jefferson.
Drake London.
Amon-Ra St. Brown.
That’s not a receiving corps that should inspire confidence in the opposition. That’s a collection of players capable of turning an ordinary Sunday into a nightmare.
The Raiders also have Josh Jacobs and Quinshon Judkins at running back.
The question is Deshaun Watson, projected for 19.33 points.
If Watson meets that projection and the receivers produce, TheBeast has a legitimate opportunity to knock off one of the league’s top franchises.
Elyod is the better team based on results.
But this particular matchup is far closer than those records suggest.
JACKBULL’S PREDICTION: RAIDERS OF THE LOST YARDS 109 — ELYOD WRONG 105
Yes, I’m picking the Raiders.
TheBeast has enough offensive talent to pull this off, and I believe the receiving corps gives him a legitimate chance to outperform expectations.
If RickWreckless loses to a 2–6 franchise, expect a very different conversation about Elyod’s championship credentials next week.
CONFIDENCE: LOW
JACKBULL’S OFFICIAL WEEK 9 PREDICTIONS
| Matchup | JackBull’s Pick | Predicted Score |
|---|---|---|
| Wonderboys vs. Gentlemen | Gentlemen | 108–94 |
| Team Fantastic vs. HulCanadia | Team Fantastic | 121–91 |
| Nutt World Order vs. Vale of Lune | Vale of Lune | 103–96 |
| Tua Girls One Kupp vs. Mercia Saxons | Mercia Saxons | 117–110 |
| LOTR vs. Business Goats | Business Goats | 101–84 |
| Elyod Wrong vs. Raiders | Raiders | 109–105 |
Six games. Three favorites. Three underdogs.
And every prediction is now on the record.
JACKBULL’S LOCK OF THE WEEK
TEAM FANTASTIC OVER HULCANADIA
This is the easiest decision of the week.
Jimmy Fantastic has the better record, stronger projected lineup, and a 23.02-point projected advantage.
HulCanadia has enough talent to remain competitive in the standings, but this particular matchup looks unfavorable.
I’m putting my reputation on Team Fantastic.
Which is unfortunate, because Jimmy Fantastic already has a reputation large enough to require its own postal code.
LOCK: TEAM FANTASTIC
THE UPSET ALERT
RAIDERS OF THE LOST YARDS OVER ELYOD WRONG
A 2–6 team defeating a 6–2 contender?
Absolutely possible.
The Raiders have three dangerous receivers, a respectable running back group, and a projection just 2.22 points behind Elyod.
This isn’t blind faith in a struggling franchise.
It’s recognition that TheBeast has more talent than his record indicates.
UPSET PICK: RAIDERS OF THE LOST YARDS
THE GAME OF THE WEEK
TUA GIRLS ONE KUPP VS. MERCIA SAXONS
Two teams separated by four wins in the standings.
Separated by 0.26 points in the projections.
This is the sort of game that exposes the difference between a team’s reputation and its actual weekly performance.
Mayhemzz has the record.
Arnar Holt has an opportunity to prove the Saxons are better than their results.
One of them is going to spend Monday explaining what went wrong.
And I intend to listen carefully.
THE MANAGERIAL DISASTER WATCH
LOTR AND BUSINESS GOATS
MsRogueMerc has a player on a bye week in her starting lineup.
FriggenNiblet has Christian McCaffrey on the bench.
I don’t know whether these decisions will remain in place before kickoff.
I certainly hope they don’t.
Because if they do, this matchup may require intervention from a licensed professional.
Not a fantasy football analyst.
A neurologist.
THE COMMISSIONER’S WATCH
Commissioner JackBull is 4–4.
He has a favorable matchup against a 2–6 opponent.
And if he wins, I fully expect the league office to issue a commemorative statement about the resilience, determination, and visionary leadership required to defeat the Waterbowl Wonderboys.
Let me make something perfectly clear.
Being Commissioner does not make you a championship contender.
Winning games against struggling franchises does not make you a genius.
And controlling the league’s administrative machinery while simultaneously competing for a championship remains a conflict of interest that deserves continued scrutiny.
I’ll be watching.
Closely.
THE FINAL WORD
Six games.
Six predictions.
Three upset selections.
And twelve franchise owners who now have the opportunity to prove me wrong.
Some of you will rise to the occasion.
Others will spend the weekend discovering new and creative ways to humiliate yourselves.
And one of you will undoubtedly lose because you forgot to remove a player who isn’t even playing football.
My predictions are published. My reputation is on the line. And next week, we’ll revisit every single pick.
Unlike the Commissioner, I have no intention of hiding from accountability.
J. JONAH JACKBULL
Editor-in-Chief, The JackBull Report
TRUTH HITS HARDER. NO FRIENDSHIPS. NO EXCUSES.